Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
