Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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