cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
