I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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