Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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