I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
