Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
