Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
