our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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