OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
