I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
