We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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