not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
