covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
