Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
