Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
