Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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