she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
