Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
