Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
