i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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