Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
