end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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