I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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