Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
