The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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