'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
