Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
