Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
