Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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