dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
