never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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