hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
