just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
