Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
