pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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