Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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