Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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