i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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