I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
