Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
