Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
