Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
