This girl is more easily done than said...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
