I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We had to coat check the pizza.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
