I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
