Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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