I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
