You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
