he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
