I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
