You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
