I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
