I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
