so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
