Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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