I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
